Things

Crushes make you feel excited, all tingly inside. Whereas love makes you feel miserable, like you're falling into a bottomless pit. But only because you know someone is there to catch you.

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You know when you over think things, they don't happen. For example, there's this one thing you've really wished for in your life. Really wished it would happen, so much that you lie down at night with the thoughts consuming you. But it doesn't. At the same time a second thing begins, slowly but steadily. And you are unaware of it, innocently thinking and dreaming about the first thing. But slowly you put together the pieces of the second thing and it seems to be more than just a mere coincidence. Soon the second thing takes over your life and you find that you are distracted, miserable and lonely. Sitting alone, listening to music and rolling your eyes at the ceiling has become a way of life. Now you want the second thing to happen because it looks perfect. On paper, in reality. The universe has other plans though. It slowly tries to make the first thing happen. Or at least that's what it looks like. But what if the first thing was never meant to be? And what if the universe is trying to lure you away from the second thing, which could be IT, by making the first thing look real. Only it isn't. It doesn't feel real.

What's meant to be, what isn't? What's real and what isn't? What's the problem really?

It's just you over thinking it.

Lessons from Yeh Jawaani Hai Deewani

So the sibling and I saw YJHD in the theatre and it set me thinking and I have put together 11 points on what I learned from that movie.

1. Take off your glasses 
2. Wear skimpy clothes 
3. Have loads of money 
4. Marry an engineer boy
5. Keep drinking 
6. Travel the world 
7. Don't let the bridesmaid be hotter than you 
8. Gamble enough and you'll own a bar 
9. Get married at Udaipur (look up number 3) 
10. And go for a trek to Manali, and beginning where it started all 
11. Wear glasses
12. (added by Subhadra) make friends with people that are likely to get married in Udaipur.

Of course, I also came home to find tears streaming because Ranbir (in the movie) gets to go abroad and do journalism and ends up travelling (something which I've been trying to, but hasn't worked) and then I look at Facebook. People who don't know what MOMA stands for, or haven't heard about Halloween suddenly put up pictures of them in ridiculous costumes or "chilling" in New York. Sigh.

Somtimes

I have so much to say but whenever the time comes to say it, I'm silent.

23 and whiny

Cougar Town Season 3 has come to an abrupt end (I did not see this coming)! To think that I was faithfully following that show due to lack of things to do. Damn, I'm disappointed. My night routine has become amiss. To even think I had a routine is quite ridiculous actually.

I have now been reduced to watching *gasp* How I Met Your Mother. Such a shame. I'm sorry but I don't think I agree when people ask me to watch "that awesome show, which has awesome characters in it." Okay so Robin's hot, Barney's funny, Ted's cute and Lily and Marshall make for an adorable couple, but that's about it. The plot line is mind numbingly the same every day. "Kids, ........." but Ted never meets the mother of his children. NEVER. But I'm thinking this will be a good story to tell my kids, "Kids, in the summer of 2012 your mother was SO jobless and Cougar Town got cancelled that she had to watch How I Met Your Mother. Please don't judge her."

And this new Masterchef Australia sucks. And can someone download all seasons of Mad Men and give it to me please? Pretty please.

Yes, I turned 23 three days back. Yay, or not. Anyway got 24 cupcakes and a purse from someone kind enough to gift me. Birthday eve saw me go to a sleepover with my friends, saw me cut a cake called 'Chocolate Rambo' and saw 'Rock of Ages' I haven't seen Tom Cruise like this in ages, I think none of has! Alec Baldwin sings, okay? That's reason enough to go watch the movie, if not for rock!

My hair now resembles Einstein's - unruly and unkempt. Well I have nothing to do so daily maintenance of my hair seems like such a waste of time, don't you think so? I'm also thinking of buying a much-needed bookshelf with the non-existent money I have. I can at least spend time in arranging and re-arranging them.

I'm going to end this with a question: Sometimes when I'm incredibly bored, I brush my teeth. Does that make me immensely weird?

Among other thoughts, salted ice cream

... that is how frozen yogurt tastes like.

Tomorrow marks a month of me being jobless, but who's keeping count, right? And BTW, jobless does not mean being bored in this context, when I say jobless, I mean it. No job, no work, nothing to do. Bored out of my mind. Want to smash some jam jars on the wall or anything else that's easily breakable. I need a change, after all that's what I live for.

It did happen, I'm not denying that. I just don't know how much of a change it is though. Last week (must.remember.date) happened in a flash (hope I'm not dreaming). I'm not going to explain how I "feel" about it, not here anyway.

You know these Hollywood films where they show a depressed man/woman (mostly the lead) lying down on the couch in their pajamas, hair unkempt and tousled, holding the television remote in on hand and Ben & Jerry's with a spoon on the other? Describes my state of being perfectly, except I'm not holding Ben & Jerry's. Kwality Wall's maybe. Well, who am I kidding. I have a controlled diet and I will.NOT.think.about.ice.creams. Hello, I go jogging every morning at 6, OK? OK.

As if things couldn't get worse, all my friends are employed and occupied. I'm not jealous, I'm NOT. Stop staring at me like that. How can they be busy when I'm trying so hard to find something to do. I've tried reading, sleeping, listening to music, watching TV (Cougar Town's finally hooked me), writing but that SIMPLY does not do it. Hmpf and people are just too busy to make time for me. Wait till I get a job and unleash the err... busy-ness back to them!

Anyway how long does defrosting yogurt take? I'm DAMN hungry. grrr.

So, to shake up things I'm not going to justify this post. How's that for a change, huh?

I need a life.

A platonic, hidden love

Is it possible to love a city, which I once disliked? A city which I preferred for shopping and small visits. A city which wooed me with its variety of restaurants and nightlife (OK, restricted nightlife). I vehemently declared that I'd be back once my course gets over and there were times when I complained that Bangalore wasn't Chennai and that life here was absolutely boring. (Of course, it helps my cause that I've been removed from the city and I reside a good 20 km away from it) 

Now, however, I've slowly started to like Bangalore. I'm suddenly OK with finding work in Bangalore, because let's face: what's life without a change? 

There's something enticing about Bangalore: long walks at Malleswaram, crispy dosais at MTR and Kengeri, idli, sambar, upittu and coffee at Press Club, buying books wherever I find them, and I find them everywhere! (I end up buying more than I can carry sometimes and I can never have enough books!) street shopping for clothes and shoes, buying magazines and going broke for the rest of the month. 

Hell, I'm enjoying the bus rides from KR Market to my college! You know how KR Market can be with those cows taking up the entire stretch of the road to themselves while they nonchalantly *do their business* - all this whilst chewing cud. 

On the other hand there's the Victoria Hospital with people scurrying about here and there, vendors with their fruit and flower baskets spitting paan on the road (no matter where it lands!), and big buses having no concern for the common man's plight - ready to ram you in a second.

All this makes a city what it is: livable, busy, noisy, full of life. 


Bangalore, you'll never be like Chennai, but I love you all the same.

An infinite loop

There is this profound silence in my head and all around me when I think. Which is always. Lost in thoughts is a phrase you can associate me with. I think so much that I end up being unrelated to the world I am supposed to be in. I hear fuzzy noises of people speaking, images blur before my eyes and everything in motion is suspended. I have favourite places to think. Leading the list is my white-tiled bathroom. Most jobless Saturday afternoons were spent there, thinking. And I end up forgetting what I was thinking about. Almost always.

I think faster than I write. It's extremely hazardous. Precious quotes and topics have been lost this way. Before I can pen down a few sentences, my mind is racing with the next set. My memory fails me. I struggle hard to remember them, but in vain. 

Even when I read a book, watch a movie, listen to music, write, cook, eat, or do everything at the same time; I'm thinking. Random thoughts, vague ones. Unrelated stuff. 

Thoughts become imagination sometimes. Okay, most of the times. More often than not I find myself day-dreaming. I wish I could be paid to do that. No, really! I have built stories in my head. Stories that have a beginning but no ending. Ones that start off pensively, that end up nowhere. Like this post.