Tuesday, April 22, 2014

It's all in the mind

Your eyes are tired and so is your brain. They probably want you to sleep more than you do. But your mind, it is the culprit. It keeps you awake than you should be. Voices circle in your head; they go back and forth. You lie awake wondering why it happened even though you know exactly why and what happened. You then wonder why it happened to you and then are momentarily distracted by the problems faced by starving children in Somalia or even those at the end of your street. The aged woman who begged for money at the traffic signal and the girl who got raped in a remote part in India come to your mind. You whisper a silent prayer and then think: to each his/her own. Unfair, but valid. You get up and write. Write, to erase the pain and the extreme sadness in your heart. But the words don't pour out of your fingers and onto your phone as they did easily from your mind to your sub conscious. You are aware of what is going on, wide awake and cursing your mind of sabotaging your sleep. There's nothing you can do but perhaps clutch your pillow and gently rock yourself to a deep sleep. A futile promise, it does sound good nevertheless.

You do finally sleep, but it's three hours later when the birds have started to chirp and gentle sunlight streams through your window and hits your face urging you to wake up because sleep, beautiful sleep, is nothing but a farce. A lie that helps us calm down when nothing is alright. "I'll sleep on it," you say, when you have to make a tough decision but have no idea what you're going to. When you want to put things off, hoping to be in the clear when you wake. Unfortunately, none of that happens. Because time, my friend, has gained in that blink of a situation. You have lost, but you are none the wiser. The cycle repeats again and you are left staring at the darkness, hoping to see some light. You do finally see, because it is morning again. And you haven't slept.

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